Let’s Talk About Sex
Do you have the song in your head now? Me too.
As a sex therapist working remotely throughout Texas, Louisiana, Tennessee, North Carolina, Oklahoma, and Colorado one thing I have noticed is that if there is one thing that is a common theme showing up in my counseling room it is that we are really weird about talking about sex. I often wonder why this is and then I take a good look at the culture around us and it all makes sense.
If you look at the American (and even more specifically Southern United States culture) messaging around sex it is a massive ball of confusion. Sex is everywhere. T.V. shows. Magazines. Social Media. This is the place that we and our children get the bulk of our sex education and spoiler: it is not a very good sex education. Famous (okay, famous in my circle of somewhat nerdy sex therapists and educators) sex educator Emily Nagowski (her books Come As You Are and Come Together are MUST READS- Like stop reading this now and then go read that).
Still here?
Okay- fine Emily always says “Porn is really bad sex education. Learning about sex from porn is like learning how to drive watching NASCAR.” I would argue romance novels, erotica, and sex scenes in movies are not great either. The problem is they are often our ONLY sex education because real people in our life like parents, teachers, friends, etc are all pretty silent about the issue. It isn’t a problem with porn (more on that later) anymore than Nascar is responsible for bad driving. The next problem is that the resounding silence is an education of its own. How can silence educate someone? It sends a subtle message (or maybe not so subtle message) that sex is uncomfortable, dirty, secret, and not to be discussed. So here we are in a sex saturated world that happens to also be sending the contradictory message that sex is so shameful we aren’t ever allowed to talk about it. Confusing, huh?
My kids often eye-roll at me because I live to debunk this my that sex can’t be discussed in their lives. They make jokes about the 3D printed model of a clitoris in my office or tell me “are you going to wear your “talking about sex will change the world” shirt to my parent teacher conference? To which I always answer “well, now I am.” Many people ask why I think it is so important to talk about sex and my short answer is because it matters, it impacts so many facets of our life, and there is no reason that we shouldn’t. Talking about sex really can change the world and if someone would have talked about sex openly, respectfully, and honestly it would have changed the lives of every single one of my clients for the better.
So, we are going to talk about sex over the next several blog posts. We are going to talk about all the ways it impacts our lives and all the ways our lives can impact sex. I hope you stick around to learn more, even if it just helps you feel more comfortable with the subject. In the meantime- I will leave you with the question- who in your life can you talk to openly about sex? If that answer is no one- I do encourage you to reach out to a trained sex therapist and have at least one person that tics that box for you. I promise it is the most terrifying and freeing experience you could possibly hope for. If that seems a little too scary I encourage you to continue following along here and check out the resources I listed above and on my resource page.
Stay tuned for my next blog post where we will talk about pornography and other forms of erotic art.